Have you ever asked yourself, “What does it mean to be a family?” Webster’s Dictionary defines it as “ a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head – HOUSEHOLD.” Now, I suppose that’s a technical definition, but is that all it takes to be a family? If we have a group of people who agree to live together in the same house, and agree to put one person in charge, do we really have a family? I don’t think most of us would think so. So, again I ask, “What does it mean to be a family?” Well, maybe we can get away from the technical definition for a moment and think about what a family does that unites it together. Maybe the best way to define the word is to examine the actual thing in action. So, let’s ask a different question. Let’s ask, “What does a family do?”
As I think about my own family as I was growing up, it seems to me that we did several things. First, we spent lots of time eating together and talking about life. There were many times when, as a young person, I would have preferred to miss these so-called wonderful “family times” around the table. And yet, these many years later, I have come to realize that as we talked together around a table and a meal, we somehow bonded. We came to realize that these are my people…this is my place…it is here that I belong. So, families spend time bonding together, learning to belong together, around warm meals and open conversation.
Families also share the load of hard times and the joys of good times. There are many times in life when the circumstances surrounding us are greater than the strength within us. If, left to our own strength and wisdom, we faced these times alone it would not be long before our wisdom was insufficient, our strength lacking, and our discernment less than adequate. However, when surrounded by others who share the load and help us think through our options, we seem to be able to get through hard times in a much more healthy and productive manner. Likewise, when something wonderful happens to us, our families are people with whom we can share the good news. They are people who join us in celebrating our achievements, our victories, our accomplishments. Together, as we share our burdens and extend our joys, we become family.
Finally, family members come along side us and share the work of daily chores that may not be pleasant, but are incredibly necessary. We take turns washing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning up the house, and managing the details of family affairs. Because we join hands and do the work together, the family runs smoothly and each task seems a bit easier to bear than if we were alone.
What this means, of course, is that a family is much more than a group of individuals under one roof, agreeing to submit to one leader. A family is a group of people doing life together. It is a collection of individuals becoming one as they eat and talk together, as they share their burdens and extend their joys, as they share the work of daily chores to make the family function smoothly. In short, it is a people doing life together.
I saw a beautiful picture of this reality over the last several days in our church. One of the founding members of the church recently passed away. And our church did what families do. We shared the burden of loss together. We gathered around tables, ate food, shared stories, and became one as we enjoyed the fellowship of family. Individuals showed up to share the chores that are needed to make a family run smoothly. Some brought food while others took out the trash. Some cooked meat while others washed dishes. Some organized the family events, while others took those plans and helped them become a reality. Each person came together and did their part, and through it all a very hard season of life was endured.
And now that the funeral is over, I pause to take stock at what was gained…and lost. We lost a wonderful and special woman, who believed deeply in family and gave the best years of her life to build one. However, as the wonderful saint left this world, I had the chance to see the fruits of her labors. She had committed her life to family, and that family was coming together in a way that revealed that we truly are one family. We are indeed under one roof (God’s Kingdom), and we really do submit to one leader (God). But we are so much more than that. We are a people doing life together…bearing patiently with each other…making mistakes and messes but also joining hands to correct those errors and clean up the messes. Family is a wonderful, life-giving thing…and I am so thankful for the one that God has given to me…both in my home and in my church. I hope the same is true for you.
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